


Substitute

by cruisedirector



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Canon, Babies, Breastfeeding, Chakotay's Bad Taste In Women, Depression, Episode: s07e25 Endgame (Star Trek: Voyager), Father Figures, Idols, Jealousy, Long-Term Relationship(s), Love Triangles, Multi, Obsessive Behavior, Old Friends, POV Female Character, POV First Person, POV Outsider, Parent-Child Relationship, Post-Endgame, Sexual Confusion, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-06-30
Updated: 2001-06-30
Packaged: 2017-10-06 20:24:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/57427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cruisedirector/pseuds/cruisedirector
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Torres and Seven have a talk about Chakotay and Janeway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Substitute

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of those pieces I didn't really write -- I made no conscious creative choices, and I have no idea why these people chose to speak to me. I'm not sure what they're saying makes much sense, but then, "Endgame" didn't make much sense either. So without any beta reads, I give you...

The door buzzes while I'm nursing the baby. I've already told Tom that I don't want to be disturbed, but when the door swishes open, Seven strides past him into our quarters without waiting to be invited. "This isn't really a good time," he starts to say to her, but she ignores him completely, addressing only me:

"Lieutenant Torres," she begins. "I am sorry to disturb you, but we will all be leaving Voyager shortly and I wish to speak to you about Commander Chakotay."

I have no idea what she might want to talk about, nor why she would choose to speak to me. Chakotay and I haven't really been close in years -- probably since I married Tom. I'm not sure he'll ever forgive me for choosing the Doctor rather than him as Miral's godfather, but he didn't seem very surprised. I did think that Chakotay and Seven were getting along much better, so it startles me that she would want to talk to me about him. If this were a command issue, she'd take it to Janeway, and if it were personal, I'd expect her to be her usual direct self and complain right to the source.

"Pardon me for saying so, but shouldn't you be speaking to Chakotay if you have a problem with him?"

"I am not sure whether there is a problem. That is why I have come to ask your advice."

Miral begins to fuss. I shift her to the other side, wincing from Seven's frank glance. I know breastfeeding is natural but I'm still not used to being exposed in front of people like this. Then again, it's unlike Seven to expose herself in this way, too. I suppose maybe she's worried that Chakotay still resents her place in the command structure, and thinks he might give a negative report to Starfleet Command.

"Seven, Chakotay has always dealt straight with me," I assure her. "If he has a problem with your attitude or your performance, he'll tell you. And he'll listen if you have a problem with his."

Imagine my shock when she says, "The issue is not our working relationship. It concerns my personal relationship with Chakotay. He and I have become...intimate."

I can't believe this. Seven and Chakotay? I know I've been out of touch with him, but I can't believe he's fallen this far. All right, that's not fair. But really -- I felt the same way when I discovered that he was sleeping with Seska. Even before I knew she was a Cardassian, I knew her motives for pursuing him were selfish, and I thought he was weak for wanting her.

And Seska wasn't practically young enough to be his daughter. Chakotay's always been a sucker for aggressive women with long hair and big breasts, but I thought maybe he'd outgrown being pushed around by them. For awhile I really thought he and Janeway could have something, before she started pushing him around, too, but she still treated him with more respect than any of the others. Which gives me an idea...

"Seven, I'm still not sure why you would want to talk to me. Chakotay and I aren't all that close anymore. Maybe you should talk to the captain."

Well, I don't have to worry about her watching me nurse anymore, because she turns away to study something out the viewport. "I chose to speak to you because you are involved in the most successful intimate relationship on board Voyager. You have a husband and a child," she declares.

I start to blush -- I don't usually think of myself and Tom that way. We've certainly had our share of disagreements, and a lot of the time I feel like I do most of the compromising. But since we've been married, things have been as comfortable and stable as they've ever been in my life. In his life, too. I do have a husband and a child, and that means a great deal to me. So I nod.

Seven continues, "And I cannot speak to the captain because this concerns her."

From across the room I hear Tom start coughing, and I know he's been listening to the entire conversation. Tom used to have a betting pool on whether the captain and Chakotay were getting it on, with a high premium for anyone who could catch them in the act or provide proof otherwise. I don't think the bets ever became inactive, so Seven may be about to provide a big payoff, even if the answer is in the past tense.

I never wagered because I thought Chakotay was really in love with Janeway, and they could have been good together -- protocol or no protocol, this would have been a happier ship if they'd been as close as they once were. There was a time when that broke my heart, before I realized he and I would never be good for each other, not that way. I think I saw him as a father figure, but it got all mixed up because I was lonely and jealous of Seska and Janeway. Still, the idea of him with the captain didn't irk me the same way as the idea of him and Seven as a couple. I've rarely seen Seven treat him with respect, let alone affection.

Because I don't know what else to do, I say, "Well, Seven, what's the trouble in paradise?" From behind her, Tom turns and winks at me.

Seven shifts uncomfortably again. Her emotions seem very close to the surface in a way they never have before; I wonder whether something has changed in her Borg circuitry that makes her feel things more acutely. "On more than one occasion, Chakotay has called me by the captain's given name. I do not believe he realized he had done so, and I am not even certain that he was awake the second time. I am having difficulty interpreting what this means."

Tom's grin broadens, and I have trouble keeping a straight face, though her earnestness is touching. I have no trouble interpreting what it means, and for some reason it makes me happy, even though it's pathetic, too. "Well, maybe you remind him of Kathryn," I manage to say.

"You are patronizing me, Lieutenant." Seven's voice is hard but there's a hint of a shake underneath. "I am aware that he has had romantic feelings for Captain Janeway. But he has put those aside."

"He told you this?" I squeeze the baby too tightly; she wails and emits a loud burp that makes Tom guffaw. Suddenly I have baby vomit in my lap. I grab a cloth diaper to wipe it up.

Seven shakes her head. I think she must be unimpressed with my parenting skills, but she speaks in answer to my question. "My implants are capable of registering biofeedback. When a man is in the early stages of arousal, his pulse quickens, his body temperature rises and the flow of blood to his groin increases. When I first came on board Voyager, I frequently noticed these changes in the commander when he was in the captain's presence. But I have not detected those responses recently."

"And you think that means he's no longer in love with her." This from Tom. I flash him a look, but Seven does not seem to resent the intrusion.

"I can only assess desire, not his emotional state. When I approach him in an aggressive tone, he responds in an aroused manner." Tom has to struggle to keep from laughing. I don't bother to tell Seven that nine-tenths of the male population of the Alpha Quadrant would respond in an aroused manner if she came on to them. If she hasn't figured that out by now, so much the better for all of us.

Seven has other concerns. "In the past several months, Chakotay's behavior has seemed...muted. He offers little feedback during senior staff meetings and he often appears bored with his work. Since he learned of the destruction of the Maquis, his interest in exploration has waned. I believe it is possible that he has been experiencing clinical depression."

Tom's amusement has vanished, and so has mine. Everything Seven is saying is true, at least from my perspective; obviously my husband agrees. I feel terrible that I didn't notice before and try to do something about it, but I've been pretty distracted with my own problems.

Then I get annoyed that Seven didn't mention this to any of us before. "If you're worried about Chakotay's mental health, why did you pursue a relationship with him?"

Seven straightens, looking at Tom, the medic. "I believe his emotional state is circumstantial in origin, not biochemical. A change in events can alter such a condition. I had thought that our intimacy would be beneficial to him, until I learned of a future in which Admiral Janeway..." She breaks off abruptly. "I had reason to believe that he might become overly dependent on our relationship. But now that we are back in the Alpha Quadrant, the circumstances have changed."

Suddenly I can see where she's going with this. Miral has fallen asleep in my arms; I shift her onto my shoulder, cradling her head against my neck so she'll feel safe. "Seven," I ask cautiously. "Why do _you_ think he called you Janeway's name?"

"I assume it is a subconscious reflection of the feelings he once had for her," she states flatly. "But he has put those aside, because she did not reciprocate them. He would not have agreed to pursue a relationship with me otherwise."

She falls silent. Mentally, I can hear her going further. I think we all know Chakotay wouldn't have pursued a relationship with Seven if he thought he had a snowball's chance in hell with Janeway. But he thought he never would; after seven years as her subordinate in the Delta Quadrant, he'd given up on the captain ever being more than a friend. In all likelihood, that's what caused his depression -- not being stuck in the Delta Quadrant, not even the destruction of the Maquis.

I think about the evidence I've seen with my own eyes. The way they used to laugh together on the bridge. The way they acted after they were stranded together five years ago. How jealous he seemed when Q pursued her. The way things changed after we first encountered the Borg, how the whole ship suffered from the tensions between them. Janeway lost her spark. She never stopped believing that we could get home, but it became an obsession -- her main reason for going on, rather than the exploration and challenges we faced along the way. Unlike me and Tom, who came to consider Voyager our home, she started to act as if it were a prison. And Chakotay did too.

But we aren't in the Delta Quadrant anymore. Janeway and Chakotay don't have to relate as captain and first officer anymore if they don't want to. Now the only thing stopping them might be...Seven of Nine. It would be just like both of them to sacrifice any future together to protect her feelings.

I can't stand that idea.

"Seven, would it bother you to learn that Chakotay still has romantic feelings for the captain?"

"No," she admits reluctantly. "It would not even surprise me." Strangely enough, I believe her, and suddenly her attraction to Chakotay makes sense. Janeway is her idol. If Seven thought Janeway found Chakotay worthy of love, of course she would try to understand that. Seven being Seven, she would probably try to outdo Janeway. She would actually offer him her love -- as apparently she has.

But if she genuinely doesn't resent his prior attraction to the captain, I don't understand what's upsetting her about Chakotay's slip of the tongue. "Then why does it bother you that he called you her name?"

"Admiral Janeway..." Again she catches herself.

Tom and I exchange a glance. "I don't think it's a violation of the Temporal Prime Directive to discuss a timeline that no longer exists." Seven still looks unhappy, but she forges on.

"I believe that she came back in time to save me." This too is just like Seven, to believe it's all about her. I try to think how to break it to her gently that Janeway might have had bigger motives, like blowing up a Borg conduit and saving the entire ship. And then I realize I should stop smirking, because Seven might very well be right.

"Why do you think she did that?"

"She said that people who loved me would suffer if I died. She was trying to warn me about Chakotay's feelings."

"Or her own." I'm a bit confused because I never heard anything about Seven dying, but I was distracted during all the temporal scheming with being in labor. Even so, this happened in a timeline that no longer exists. "How does that affect the present, since you're not going to die?"

"She gave up her future."

"For you."

"Perhaps she did not do it for me. Perhaps she did it for Chakotay."

Now, I've seen Janeway do some pretty crazy things for Seven. But not Chakotay. In fact, I distinctly remember having an argument with her, years ago after he took a shuttle to go after Seska and the Kazon, when she was planning to leave him out in the cold. Since very early on in our journey, Janeway has always gone out of her way to make it seem like she wouldn't do any favors for Chakotay. I assumed at one time that she'd heard the rumors about the two of them, and wanted to make sure no one could accuse her of showing favoritism. She's taken a lot more risks for Seven, which caused real resentment among some of the crew, and this latest -- altering an entire timeline -- sounds frighteningly plausible, like something she would do for her favorite. But for him...

"Do you believe the captain has romantic feelings for Commander Chakotay?" Seven asks bluntly, interrupting my train of thought.

"Maybe the captain has romantic feelings for you." I blurt it out without thinking. It's an accusation I've made before, behind her back, in anger, but I've never seriously considered it before.

Seven shakes her head. "I have seen no evidence of such feelings in her. Her attitude seems to be maternal, as it is towards you. I am unable to detect human female sexual response as easily as that of males, but I believe that if she felt desire for me, I would be able to tell."

"Could you tell whether she ever had feelings for Chakotay?"

"I do not often detect passionate feelings from the captain. I believe she may be suffering from depression as well." Silence. Tom looks sad. Miral whimpers on my shoulder; I cradle her and begin to rock, closing my eyes. "I believe she once had feelings for the commander." Interesting, that Seven won't say his name in this context. Her voice grows stubborn. "But I do not believe she feels the same way now."

"But you're not sure."

Seven's refusal to answer explains her distress. Still, it doesn't change circumstances. Chakotay might not think I'm doing him a favor with where I'm about to take this conversation, but it needs to be said, to be fair. "Listen, you've been on this ship a long time. More than half our journey. If you want Chakotay, and he wants you now, I don't think you can second-guess what might have been."

"Isn't that what Admiral Janeway did by changing the timeline?"

I say "I don't know" at the same time that Tom says, "I think so." His eyes lock with mine as if Seven isn't there. "B'Elanna, everything is different," he tells me. "They're home. It changes everything for them. And for her, too." His head inclines toward Seven. "Everything in their lives is about to change."

And perhaps in ours. Tom doesn't say that, but I can feel his unease. He steps toward me, reaching out to take the baby from my arms.

"He said he wants to remain near me." Seven's voice is hushed, her eyes lowered. "He does not know what she did for me. For him."

"It was her sacrifice to make. From what you're saying, she did it so both of you could be happy."

"We do not know what awaits the Maquis during the debriefing at Starfleet. Nor myself."

"She would fight for you. And for Chakotay." Of this I have no doubt. I watch my husband cuddle Miral, and lift my chin. "She'll fight for all of us. Tom and I are both criminals here. We don't know what Starfleet has in mind for any of us. But you know she'll never give us up."

At that, Seven raises her head to meet my eyes. "You are correct. She would never give us up. She never did."

"That's what I think I was trying to say." I nod, though I'm not entirely sure what I've agreed to.

The confusion on Seven's face vanishes; her lips close, her eyes blaze with resolution. "You were correct in the first place, Lieutenant. I should speak to Commander Chakotay."

"What will you tell him?" I start to rise. Uneasy, Tom moves around her to stand beside me.

"That I am flattered he called me her name."

"You realize that if you do that, it could change things between you. He might even decide to tell her about it." Tom.

"I believe I shall encourage him to tell her about it."

"Are you sure about this, Seven? You could be sacrificing your own happiness." Me.

"I would never have known happiness without her. I would not have altered my cortical node and allowed myself to experience these feelings. I would not have regained my humanity. I owe her everything."

Although it's been awhile since I actively loathed Seven, and sometimes I like having her around, for the first time I feel real appreciation for her and what she's gone through to be a member of this crew. Suddenly Chakotay, who was once my best friend, seems unworthy of both these women. He's a good man, and he'd probably die for either of them, but he's not someone who would singlehandedly change the universe to save a friend. He's not that strong. I guess I've always believed that Janeway is. Now I understand what Seven wants to be.

"Thank you, Lieutenant. Mr. Paris." She nods at Tom, and her expression softens minutely at the sight of him cradling our daughter. In that moment she reminds me of the captain. With her head high, she walks out of our quarters.

I wonder what Janeway would say if Chakotay ever called her Seven's name. I'm sure it would confuse the hell out of her. I hope she would think it's a compliment.


End file.
